Thank you for contacting me. Your ebook is on it’s way.
I’ve been married 19 yrs. First I learned to feel guilty if I didn’t meet my husbands “needs” from our church of 11 yrs. (we no longer go). Then when I turned 40, I decided to be true to myself. I allowed him to make me feel guilty EVERY night we don’t have sex. It’s a VERY heavy energy and I KNOW it’s his. I’ve read that this is a form of sexual abuse. I know I enabled him due to our religious beliefs, but I’ve created a monster who’s addicted to sex and gets his self-esteem through it. His emotional abuse technique is the silent & angry treatment. VERY heavy! I feel used.
Sex has been made out to be bad to do it if you’re not married and bad not to do it if you are. So, sex has always had that “bad” attached to it. I have done a lot of work on myself, since I thought it was my fault that I didn’t feel like having sex and am able to have sex without feeling it’s bad, but when my husband does the sulking or guilt trip, I get angry and then sex seems bad again because I am not being true to myself.
Thanks for your website and articles, they have been very helpful.
I love your comment. Yes. Women were always taught that sex was bad before marriage and an obligation before. Religion has made sex sinful, instead of natural and beautiful. I hope you’ve read my blog and article on sex. Also, you probably don’t want sex if he’s emotionally abusive, and your body has wisdom. So, please don’t make yourself feel guilty to add to your pain. Let him know that he has to please you and earn your love to make you desire him. Read my blog on self-forgiveness and get my ebook on self-esteem.
Thank you, Darlene! I enjoy reading articles and I am looking forward to see more of your writings. All the best to you
hello, i’m 35 yrs old my fiancee 28 we been together for almost 7 yrs.i have 3 kid’s in past relationship. he has 2 from past relationship…but 3 yrs ago he cheated on me.had twins(boys).i felt stupid no good.we got back together.2nd time he cheated on me 2011 again.in 2012 he cheated on me with a younger girl 19yrs old….i found that out so he left me.i met someone else.we clicked like magnets.i was in love with him he really liked me.but he was married.i didn’t like that much at all.bible says thou shalt not sleep with a married man.i did it was stupid of both of us.i left him alone. i felt it wasn’t right.so my ex found out.got jealous.so he left the girl alone and i left the man alone..but i slept with someone else he burst in my door caught me in action.i regret everything I’m ashamed of myself we got back together.we still together.now he brings up that man.asking why i don’t show my emotions towards him whenever we have sex or make love.i tried kissing him on the lips you know french kiss everything.he pushes back.so when he touches me i jump.why?i love this man i really do we engaged.its stressing me out.i lost all my hair with an illness.my self confidence n self esteem is already scrambled.i don’t want to loose him.need help
You have to ask yourself what you’re afraid of. Your fiance has given plenty of reasons not to trust him or want to be close, even though you love him. He has hurt you in the past. Also, your own shame and low self-esteem may make you afraid of getting close and being open, then fearing rejection again. Work on your self-esteem. There are lots of tools to do that in my books. Your hair will grow back by itself, but growing your self-esteem will take focused work on your part. It can’t come from a man.
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